


Reaching Out, Reaching In

by Fenix21



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 07:27:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4011064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenix21/pseuds/Fenix21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk discovers his link with Spock...and acts on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reaching Out, Reaching In

Mother!

Jim jerked out of his light sleep.  His heart was thumping against his ribs and his guts were twisted in knots by a surge of adrenaline that had him shaking.  He threw off the covers and swung his legs over the edge of the bed.  He sat and listened.

Something must have woken him.

He glanced at the comm. on his desk.  No light blinked to alert him of a message, but he couldn’t shake the sensation that he’d heard a voice.  He surveyed his quarters and his insides began to relax by degrees as he found nothing amiss or out of place.  He stood and stretched trying to shake the last of the adrenaline rush.  He went to the food synthesizer and plugged in a card.

“Tea.  Hot.”

He picked up the cup after it materialized and sipped.

Still…there must have been some sound or movement that had driven him to such a state of wakefulness.  He hadn’t slept easy since the battle with Nero, none of the crew had, except maybe Spock.  The damn Vulcan was like a wall of solid obsidian, absolutely impenetrable.  Nothing seemed to faze him.  Kirk had needled him frequently in the weeks following Nero’s defeat, coming just short of all out insulting him in public, but Spock showed no more sign of losing control as he had following the destruction of his home planet. In fact, he had almost become resigned beneath Kirk’s constant attention recently.  There was no rapport there that Kirk could find.  He was having his doubts about what Spock Prime had revealed to him concerning his relationship with Jim’s counterpart.  If he hadn’t felt the intensity himself, in his own mind, he wouldn’t believe it at all.  

The intensity had been undeniable.  Kirk had had difficulty looking at Spock for a few days without feeling a rush of emotion that was layer upon layer, of desire, love, friendship, passion, undercut by sorrow and loss.  It had worn off after a week or so, and gone completely unnoticed by Spock, Kirk was relieved to note.  But some residual had been left behind that Kirk could not shed.  He could no longer be in Spock’s presence without being aware of every movement the man made, every sound, every expression.

Kirk shook himself and lifted his cup again and nearly dumped it down his bare chest when a crash sounded from the adjoining quarters.

“Spock!”

Jim plunged through the door to his quarters and swung around the near corner to Spock’s door.  It didn’t budge at his presence and he nearly flattened himself against it before he put on the breaks.  He slammed a fist against the bulkhead,

“Spock!  Spock, are you all right?”

He waited, every muscle tense.  No more sounds issued from the room, not even sounds of movement.

Jim stepped across the corridor to the nearest wall comm..  “Bridge.  Security override on Mr. Spock’s quarters.”

“Sir?”  It was Checkov.

“Just do it, Checkov!”

“Yes, sir.”

The door to Spock’s quarters hissed open.

A wave of heat assailed Jim as he stepped into the dark room.  He blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness within.

“Spock?  Spock, are you all right?”  Jim stepped carefully through the room, still not able to see more than bulk shapes.  He moved in the direction of the sleeping alcove.  Sweat was already running down between his shoulder blades.  He swore as his shin came in contact with a low table and then the next step brought his foot down on shards of something sharp.

“Computer, lights.  Ten percent illumination.”  

In the now dim light, Kirk could see the shattered ceramic bowl beneath his foot that usually sat on the table his shin had come in contact with.  It held Spock’s meditation candle, which had rolled away beneath the desk.  Kirk ignored the pain in his foot that clearly indicated he’d sliced it on the ceramic shards and limped into the sleeping alcove.

“Spock!”

Spock was curled in a fetal ball against the bulkhead.  His whole body was shaking violently.  Jim knelt by his side and saw that his eyes were wide open, but glazed, seeing nothing that was in front of him.

Kirk slapped at the comm. by the bed.  “Kirk to sickbay!”

“Sickbay, here.  Jim?  What’s wrong?”

“Bones, get to Spock’s quarters on the double!”

There was barely a hesitation and no questions.  “On my way.”

“No…no….”

Jim smoothed the Vulcan brow with a cool hand.  “Spock, it’s all right.  McCoy is on the way.  It’ll be all right.”

Jim knew he was trying to placate himself as much as the Vulcan.  He wrapped his hands around Spock’s which were clenched together beneath his chin.  Jim would never have imagined that the rangy Vulcan could have folded himself up into such a compact knot.  He felt the tension in those long fingered hands, and he tried to pry them loose, but Spock was far too strong.  Jim settled for leaning against the wall and absently running a hand down the long back, muttering soothing nonsense until McCoy arrived.  

“Jim?”  McCoy entered the room.  “Hell, it’s hot in here.  Computer, lower ambient temperature to—.”

“No!”  Jim poked his head around the divider to the sleeping area.  “No, Bones, you might send him into shock...if he’s not already there.”

McCoy came around the wall and knelt down, running his scanner over Spock and watching the readings with wide eyes.  “What happened, Jim?”

Kirk shrugged.  “I heard a crash and came in and found him like this.  It’s like he’s catatonic or something.  He won’t respond.”

McCoy didn’t miss the hint of desperation in those last words.  He looked up and met Kirk’s gaze.  He couldn’t define what he saw there.  He didn’t even want to try.

“We need to get him to sickbay.”  McCoy reached out for the comm.

A hand snapped out and grabbed his wrist.  McCoy gasped at the force that immobilized him.

“No.”

Jim leaned over Spock, “Spock?  Can you hear me?”

“Do…not…Jim…”

The hand released McCoy and Spock sank immediately back into his non-responsive state.

“Don’t what?” McCoy asked, rubbing at his wrist.  That was going to leave a huge bruise.

“Can you treat him here?” Kirk asked.

“Hell, Jim, I don’t even know what’s wrong with him!  His readings are off the chart, even for a Vulcan.”  He scowled hard at Jim’s pleading gaze.  He shrugged uneasily, “I guess I wouldn’t know any better what to do with him in sickbay, but let’s at least get him up onto the bed where I can look him over.”

Jim let out a relieved breath and hoisted Spock’s shoulders.  It never ceased to amaze him how much the tall, lanky Vulcan weighed.  It had to be all that dense muscle.  They lifted him up onto the bed and between the two of them managed to get him to relax out of his fetal position.

“Help me get this robe off of him.”  McCoy started undoing the clasps of Spock’s robe.  Kirk lifted Spock’s shoulders off the bed and pulled him against his chest while McCoy tugged the heavy velvet off of the Vulcan’s now limp arms.  The sudden impact of Spock’s heat against Jim’s bare chest nearly made him gasp.  Spock’s skin was soft and completely devoid of hair.  He could feel the alien heart racing, and his own heartbeat sped up in answer.  He wrapped an arm around the narrow shoulders to offer McCoy assistance in removing the left sleeve and his cheek came in contact with the silky cap of black hair.  Instinctively, Jim inhaled. 

The scent was sharp and spiced and filled Jim’s nostrils.  For a moment his vision tunneled and he felt blood rush from his head to his groin in an unexpected shock of arousal.  His breath rushed out of him like he’d been punched in the gut.

McCoy turned concerned eyes on him.  “Jim, you okay?”  He glanced down and noticed the trail of blood on the floor.  “Jim!  You’re hurt!”

Kirk release Spock and let him down easily onto the pillows.  He sat back and tried to catch his breath, grateful that McCoy presumed his reaction was from the gash on his foot.

“I’m fine.  It’s just a cut.”

McCoy slid off the bed onto one knee and took Jim’s foot into his hand.  “Cut my Aunt Bell’s left buttock.  This is a gash, Jim.”  He tightened his grip on Kirk’s ankle as the other man tried to pull away.  “Just give me a minute!”

McCoy reached into his portable med kit and pulled out a hypo with a cocktail of antibiotic and pain killer.  He injected it and then went to work with his cellular fuser.  A moment later the gash was sealed under a layer of new pink skin.  McCoy let Kirk pull his foot away then.

“Just stay off it for an hour or so and don’t run any foot races until the day after tomorrow okay?”  Kirk nodded and McCoy returned his attention to Spock.

“I can’t get anything off these readings, Jim.  His brain function is what’s bothering me.”  He scowled at the scanner readings.  “It’s like his memory center has gone hyperactive on him.”

“Could he finally be suffering the effects of Vulcan’s destruction?”  Jim watched the vacant eyes.  His heartbeat still wasn’t back to normal.  He felt terror gripping him together with the most intense desire he’d ever known.

“I suppose it’s possible he’s been suppressing it all this time, but I thought he’d gotten it out of his system when you two duked it out on the bridge?”

Jim shook his head.  “I only got him to admit the pain was there.  That doesn’t mean he actually looked at it, or dealt with it.”

“Hmmm, sounds kind of familiar,” McCoy chided.

Kirk shot the doctor a stern look.  McCoy shrugged.

“You know, Jim.  I’ve read up on Vulcans recently, and it seems that it’s a misconception that they don’t have emotions.”

Kirk raised an eyebrow.

“Apparently, way back when, they were very passionate, even violent, creatures.  The logic training is all self- imposed.”  McCoy looked down at Spock and shook his head.  “It’s not that they don’t have the emotions; it’s that they keep them under lock and key.”  He raised his gaze to look Jim square in the eye.  “Keeping that kind of emotion bottled up that tightly can do a lot of damage, Jim.”

“Yeah.”

McCoy stood up.  “I’ll let him stay here as long as his condition doesn’t get worse.  Will you stay and watch him?”  Kirk nodded.  “I’ll check on you both in a couple of hours.  Call me if anything changes.”

Kirk nodded again.

After McCoy left, Kirk returned the light levels to Spock’s original settings and activated the bedside lamp.  He moved off the edge of the bed and pulled Spock’s desk chair up and sat down.  Spock was still starring up at the ceiling with those blank eyes fixed on nothing.  His body was trembling ever so lightly, like every muscle was straining against something.  His fingers were still twined tightly together.  

Kirk leaned forward and took the white knuckled hands in his own and used the pads of his thumbs to massage the tender insides of the Vulcan’s wrists.  His soft touch elicited a harsh gasp that shot through Spock’s whole body.  He blinked once and his eyes drifted closed.

“That’s it, Spock.  Just relax….” Kirk crooned.  He continued to caress the inside of Spock’s wrists until the fingers unlocked and he could lay them out at Spock’s sides.  He moved back to the edge of the bed and continued to massage those elegant hands, then the thin wrists and the wiry muscled forearms.  He found himself engulfed by the heat in the room and the alien heat of Spock’s skin beneath his hands.  His palms were slick with sweat and slid over Spock’s bare skin easily.

“Captain…Jim…”

The sound of Spock’s voice stunned Kirk.  He had never heard such a raw painful sound in all his life.  “Spock.”

The Vulcan did not open his eyes, nor did he move to stop Jim’s hands as they worked up his arms toward his shoulders.  “I loved her.”

Kirk paused a moment, trying to decide whether or not to respond.  He opted for silence and dug his thumbs into the dense biceps.

“I was scorned for showing my affection for her by the other children.  Even my own father looked on it with disapproval.”  The deep, resonant voice shook and cracked.  “I had not told her I loved her since I was a small boy.”

Kirk watched Spock’s features contort in pain, then rage, and finally sorrow.  A single tear slid from beneath the dark lashes and ran across the high cheek bone and down toward the pointed ear.  Kirk reached out and traced its path.  When he came to Spock’s ear, he traced the tear up to the delicate point and found his wrist locked in an immovable grip.

Spock turned his head, looking Kirk in the eye.  “I can love.”

Kirk stopped his ministrations and sat back.  Spock did not release him.

“I know.  You love Nyota.”

“No.”

“Mmm,” Kirk left that one alone and switched gears.  “I know you can love, Spock, and your mother knew it, too.”

“She did not tell me.”  Spock’s voice was small, and Kirk could almost see the little boy in him.

“Spock, she was probably trying to make things easier on you.  Mothers are funny like that.  She knew you had to live on Vulcan, and act like a Vulcan, no matter you were half human.  She was only trying to respect that, and your father.”  Kirk scooted up the bed to relax the pull on his arm since Spock wouldn’t let him go.  They sat with their thighs pressed together, and Kirk was distracted once again, by the amazing heat coming off that body.

Spock’s eyes slid sideways.  He let go of Kirk’s wrist and traded it for the man’s broad shoulders.  He sat up, bringing their gazes nearly level.  “I do love.”

Kirk could not escape the intensity in those dark eyes any more than he could escape the  incredible grip.  He caught that sharp spiced scent again and inhaled deeply.  His sleep pants were suddenly embarrassingly little coverage.  He raised his hands, meaning to plant them on the Vulcan’s chest and push him away, but they acted of their own accord and traveled up Spock’s long thighs instead.

Spock sucked in a breath and nearly groaned as Kirk’s hands slid up his thighs and his thumbs brushed the crease between his thigh and crotch.  He spread his legs slightly.

Kirk didn’t miss the invitation.  He let his thumbs find the hard ridge of Spock’s arousal and trace it up its long length on both sides.  His hands were trembling on Jim’s shoulders now, more with the effort of controlling his desire, so as not to squeeze and do damage, than anything else.  Kirk felt his own cock swell in response.  He groaned and his hips rocked in need.  The hands on his shoulders lifted him bodily, effortlessly, and stretched him full length against the hot, hard Vulcan body.

Kirk felt himself slide between Spock’s hot thighs and his cock throbbed.  He bit back a cry and clenched his jaw, trying to keep from coming in that instant.  He felt Spock release his shoulders and he took his own weight onto his arms.  Spock’s hands moved down his sides to his hips and then around to the front between their bodies.  Kirk felt Spock’s hand take his cock and hold it, squeeze it, milking cum from it gently, just a little.  Kirk groaned and pressed into that hand.

What he felt next nearly sent him over the edge. 

Spock freed himself from the confines of his pants and his cock pressed against the inside of Kirk’s thigh.  He could barely control his urge to drive into Kirk, needing to feel his body tight and hot around his swollen shaft.

“Jim…”

“Yes, Spock…”  Kirk reached a hand down his own pants and pulled himself out.  He guided his own hard cock against Spock’s and felt himself throb in the beginnings of orgasm.

“Spock—I’m not going to…last very…long like this,”  Kirk ground out.  He pressed himself deeper between Spock’s thighs and down between his buttocks.  He felt his head brush against Spock’s opening.

“Oh, Gods, Spock!”  He slid forward, trying to gain access to that tight opening.  He wept cum, slicking the path.  Spock aided him by planting his feet on either side of Jim’s hips and lifting himself off the bed.  Kirk grabbed the slender hips and plunged in deep.  Spock’s body arched and a guttural cry issued from the Vulcan throat.  Kirk felt himself swell larger and he thrust up and into Spock, coming a little with every stroke until neither of them could stand it.  He thrust his hips forward once more, and let the throbbing empty him.  He collapsed over Spock’s belly and felt hot Vulcan cum slick on his own chest.

Jim couldn’t have said how long he lay there between Spock’s legs, panting in the heat, dripping sweat.  Spock lay very still except for his hands.  He combed slowly through Jim’s hair with his long fingers and smoothed his palms over the other’s shoulders and down the powerful arms.

“Jim.”

Kirk shook his head against Spock without lifting it.  “Spock, I don’t know—I mean—I didn’t intend to—.”  He brought his arms close into himself and curled up as far as he could without actually moving off of Spock’s body and being forced to look the Vulcan in the eye.

“Shhh.  Jim,” Spock murmured and pressed the tensing shoulders back down, “there is nothing that needs to be said.”

“Yes, Spock, there is!”  Kirk wrestled with himself.  He wanted to move, to flee this room, to run and not look back.  But the body beneath him, so calm and still, and perfect—and still holding his most vital organ captive—was too much temptation to leave.  “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Spock felt the ripples of shame and uncertainty in Jim’s voice.  He was so young.  “ You have never engaged in intercourse with a male.”

Kirk did raise his head then, shocked at Spock’s plainness.  “No!”

“Ah.”

“Have you?”  Jim eyed Spock warily.

“On Vulcan, sexual preferences are inconsequential and therefore same sex couplings are common enough and have never been a topic of note.”

“Is that a yes?”

Spock sighed.  “Yes.  It has been a long time.  And I have never been with a human male, but, yes.”  

Kirk stared for a moment and then let his forehead fall back to rest on Spock’s belly.  Spock resumed his gentle combing.  They were silent for several minutes.  

“Why did you let me, Spock?  Why didn’t you stop me?”

Spock shrugged easily.  “I desired it as much as you.  It seems you are irresistible in any reality.”

“You spoke to Spock Prime?!”  Kirk looked up, stunned.  “He said it would be disastrous to let you meet him.”

“It seems such is not the case.”

“But Uhura?”

“Nyota and I have discontinued our sexual activities.”

Kirk nodded a little.  “No wonder she was in such a bad mood last month.”  He paused.  “Did you stop because of me?”

Spock answered by stroking Jim’s cheek very gently.  “Do not think that it was only my elder self’s words that convinced me to notice you, Jim.  No one has ever—reached me—as you did.  You peeled away all that I had set out for show for the world to see and stripped it away.”

  Jim nestled into Spock’s touch.  “I don’t know how it happened, Spock.  I hated you.  I really did.  You and your damn logic.  Your insufferable perfection.”  He lifted his head.  “I hope you know it wouldn’t be anyone but you I did this with.”

Spock nodded solemnly.

Kirk folded his arms over Spock’s middle and rested his chin on them so he could look up at the other’s face.  “Does it still hurt?”

Spock closed his eyes a moment before he answered.  “Yes.  I will forever regret that I could not—share—my feelings with my mother.  She deserved better for all that she sacrificed living within our restrained culture.”

Kirk smiled gently.  “Don’t doubt for a minute that she didn’t know exactly how you felt, Spock.  Like I said, mothers are funny like that.”

“Indeed.”

Kirk lay his head back down and they lapsed into silence once again.

“How did you know, Jim?”

“Know what?”  Kirk’s voice was sleepy sounding.

“That I needed you.”

Jim lifted his head, frowning in thought.  “I think I heard you.”

Spock nodded, “When I knocked over the meditation candle.”

“No.”  Kirk frowned harder, thinking back to the sequence of his waking.  “No, it was before that.  I thought I heard someone shout and it woke me up.  Did you shout, Spock?”

“I did not.  I made no sound.”

“Then how—.”

Without warning Spock placed his hand on Kirk’s face and he felt himself plunging forward into crystal and silver blue.  He floundered for a moment.

_Spock!_

_I am here, Jim._

_Spock, where are we?_

_We are melded, Jim.  As I suspected, you are attuned to my mind, as I am to yours.  You did hear me.  You heard my anguish beyond the mental barriers that I have in place_.

Surprise rippled out from Kirk.  This was nothing like the meld with the other Spock.  Then, he had felt like drowning, but this—this was like soaring effortlessly on wings of energy and light.

_I heard you…telepathically?_

_In a manner of speaking_.

Spock released Jim’s mind, and they were back in Spock’s quarters.  Jim lay across Spock, panting lightly, trying to recover his equilibrium.

“Spock…that was….”  Kirk drifted off, unable to find adequate words to describe the sensation.

“Yes, Jim.”  Spock resumed brushing at Jim’s hair, lightly grazing his temples with each stroke.  He felt Jim’s body relax into him, growing drowsy and limp.

“Spock, don’t…leave…”

 _Never, Jim_ , Spock whispered in Jim’s mind, _I will always be here with you now_.

Jim smiled and drifted off to sleep.

 


End file.
